Stick that in your tribe and poke it.

Right now as I sit and type out these words my laptop clock says it’s eight forty nine at night and all I can hear is the silence between the ticks of the second hand on the great big clock on the wall behind me and I genuinely pray to the Radioactive-Atomic Gods that a weapon of mass saturation has been deployed upon the world outside my room door and that in the residual aftermath of the inevitable mushroom clouded explosion, the human race has been drained of their colours and their skin has turned into a pale shade of ashy grey.

Now that may seem a little out there to you but I genuinely believe it’s the only way we’ll ever get over racism and tribalism. I mean stick with me for a moment if you will. Evolution and genetics was never helping in the first place by creating us all in different colours. Benetton would probably disagree with my whole philosophy here but that’s their prerogative. Interracial relationships help but they’re working far too slowly to speed up the visionary process of making everyone the same colour. Again, if a bomb is too scary a concept then there are other methodologies that we could examine as a human race to make us all chromatically similar.

My personal suggestions include the United Nations providing funding for discovering what we’ll call a Colour Drainer pill. You take two pills before bedtime, have at least eight good hours of black and white dreamed sleep and check your grey self in the morning mirror and viola! If it hasn’t worked then you’ve probably not urinated yet, which you’ll need to do in order to release the toxin-filled colouration from your body. Don’t worry; the packaging will come with a full set of instructions. Another suggestion would be a spray on permanent grey tan available at your friendly neighbourhood drug dispensary or “Colour Chucker Kiosks” that would have been set up by then. The future is a bright place where grey people will walk without fear of being ostracized, criticized or pulverized for the colour of their skin.

Of course, there’ll be the resistance like there always is. Small groups of oh so naïve people who wouldn’t want to give up their birth colours. And they’ll fight and bicker and terrorize the grey masses for having sold out. But what they won’t realize is that they’re the ones breaking the peace. If only we could get them to the grey side. Perhaps a Star Wars themed mass advertising campaign with a grey clad Darth Vader breathing out the immortal words “Welcome to the Grey Side.”?

I don’t know. Maybe that would be taking it too far. I personally like the bomb idea. Far more simple than elaborate subliminal marketing campaigns aimed at small groups of people. I mean, the human raCe is far toO civilized to sneaK commErcial subliminal messages into the minds of the masses aren’t they? I mean who would commit such an atrocity. No no, we’re far too cultured for that. On a side note, Coke is tasty.

Racism exists. We all know it. We all witness it. We all hardly do anything about it. I experienced racism in the UK on many occasions. In the UK I’ve been called names, I’ve been punched around. My friends have had milkshakes and fruits thrown at them in the street from moving cars. I’ve experienced racism right here in Kenya a number of times. It’s usually name-calling here due to the stereotypes that my skin tone comes with. Sometimes I feel that racism in Africa is directly associated to the monetary wealth of most members of a certain race. For long periods of time it used to be white people at the top of the list because they were the richest. The more power more members of the same race have, the more powerful the race as a whole becomes and once power is attained, enemies spring up and once enemies spring up fights begin. It’s a harsh truth. But now we’re in the middle of a messy paradigm shift where each race is like a drug-fuelled, thoroughbred horse at the races competing in a neck straining fight for the finish. The finish being coming first in the war of colour. And in this process we fight, kill, humiliate, alienate and subjugate each other. Personally, I just feel that racism exists because of ignorance and bad upbringing.

There’s no reason to hate anyone. But if I could, I’d definitely put leaders and ex leaders of certain nations in the world into the Big Brother house for eternity. I mean that’s probably the worst thing you can ever subject someone to. No wait, actually the worst thing would be watching that show. Just imagine President Kibaki, Ghadafi, Mugabe, Mubarak, Bush and Co. in the Big Brother house arguing over who ate the last bit of cheese in the refrigerator. Then there would be games such as “Who can stay honest the longest”. Now that I may actually pay to watch. 5bob or so should suffice.

Anyway, I was speaking of colours. We must understand that we all bleed red, think blue, piss yellowish and shit brown. That is, unless there’s something incredibly mutated about you. So how about giving your fellow man a break huh? How about accepting them as the mentally damaged human beings they are instead of judging them by the colour of their skin.

Inner beauty is grey. We must go in search of it.