If Armageddon happens in the next week

Off to climb a mountain.

Hoping Armageddon doesn’t befall middle earth by the time I get back down. Because, you know, that would suck. Also, then there’s only going to be a few of us left to repopulate the earth. Actually, that doesn’t sound too bad. I could remake it in my own vision. Beer for breakfast would become a staple. Cheese omelettes, meaty burgers, garlic fries, chilli chicken strips and crisps with lemon and chilli powder would be the new 5 a day. Everyone would have to get a tattoo to brand them. Anyone caught playing music by Justin Bieber would be publicly castrated with a blunt instrument. All forms of government will be turned into circus shows.

The working week will be set up as follows:

Mondays: People are lazy on a Monday morning so everyone would be expected to come into work only after 2pm and leave by 6pm.

Tuesdays: Full day Tuesday. I don't like Tuesdays and I'd like to punish people for that fact. Because I can. Or rather will be able to. Depending on the whole Armageddon thing.

Wednesdays: Employees would only have to come in for half a day on Wednesdays. 9am to 1pm. Because Wednesdays are midweek and people need their rest to go out in the evening to live, love and laugh.

Thursdays: Due to the heavy drinking on Wednesday nights, Thursday mornings would be rendered unworkable. Employees with hangovers are like condoms with holes. They leak life. So, Thursdays would be 2pm to 6pm.

Fridays: Ah Furahidays. No one would be in the right state to work a full day in anticipation of the weekend so it would be a 9am to 12pm day. Anything more than that would be torture. And I wouldn't want to do that being a benevolent dictator and all.

Weekends: NO WORK ON WEEKENDS.

This will all depend on the Armageddon thing happening whilst I'm on the mountain and me and some others having to procreate after. One problem though. Mate selection is up to the female of the species and I've not been entirely lucky in that department recently. Okay, more than recently.

So, a conundrum has been spun. I'll have to think my way through this one.

See you in a week. Or not.